Do you ever feel like people don’t understand you?
Like you have this secret inner world that no one else can see.
You literally feel like you don’t fit anywhere.
And, you’ve tried to share those hidden parts in tiny ways, yet they’re only met with judgement.
Maybe it was even flipped around back at you.
What you had meant to be an intimate sharing was used to make fun of you.
So, we’re left alone feeling completely shut out from the world.
Feeling like no one understands us.
No one really talks about this.
They say… “Just be yourself.”
But, what does that even mean?
You ARE trying to be yourself.
A part of being who you are is connecting and belonging. Not that you need to “fit into a box” and identically be like everyone else, but we have a biological need to connect.
It’s a real part of “being yourself” that is squashed when we try to layer a mask over our ego.
“Oh, I don’t need them to understand me.”
“I am who I am, and they can like me or not.”
Yes, we can get there at some point, but it’s not the first step. We’re skipping the necessary parts in between.
Instead of a protective reaction, it becomes a natural feeling when you really DO find deep connection within yourself and others.
When you have true experiences of sharing and connecting with others, then it becomes, “Oh, they’re just not my people.”
You focus on people you connect with vs. shutting everyone out and pretending to be ok with that.
So how do you find people who understand you?
I actually think that’s not the full question to ask.
You are a dynamic, complex individual. You probably don’t even fully understand yourself.
I know I don’t and I’m not sure I ever will!
But, I do believe you can continually learn about yourself + others.
The key is to find people who appreciate and see your value.
There are a few ingredients for this to happen:
1. Atmosphere: an environment that is open and supportive. Not that it’s a bunch of positivity cheerleaders, but that there is warmth and receptivity vs. negativity and a “fixing” mentality.
2. Vulnerability: there is a difference between being open and being vulnerable. Being present vs. being fully engaged emotionally. You will feel the difference when it is the latter.
3. Trust: even if you’re terrified, even if you don’t trust at this moment, there has to be a leap. A leap outside of your shell, your comfort zone. A leap so that trust can find it’s way to you.
So, here goes. Today, every day, I take another breath, another step, a leap into what scares me the most.
Who will leap with me?
Share your leap in the comments below. What scares you the most right now and how will you take a leap?