I have a confession…
I’m not perfect.
There are STILL parts of myself I don’t share readily, and I recently realized there are two parts I’m afraid of sharing specifically with you.
I could easily have beaten myself up internally about this realization, saying things to myself like,
“Geez, Christina! Your entire mission is around showing up fully and you failed. You still are hiding parts of yourself. If they knew, they’d call you a FRAUD!”
But, instead I chose to say to myself,
“Christina, it’s all ok. You are ok. You don’t have to be perfect. And, as you have seen, sharing these scary parts can lead to deeper connection. Either way, it’s ok to closely cradle the precious parts for now and it’s ok whenever you feel ready to share them.”
So, here I am… all in.
I used to be a blue-haired, head-banging, spit-fire, rock singer. There is an intensity that would come pouring out of me on stage.
Conversely, it took me a looooong time to honor my gentle and tender aspects not as weakness or naivety, but as loving open gifts filled with a lot of unseen inner strength.
Yet, still, I’m afraid that if I show my ferocity now off stage, it will negate the gentle aspects and may cause someone to feel unsafe.
I choose to share this with you now because I believe it is not an either / or.
I am gentle and I am fierce and both have value.
I’m also in a deep exploration and expansion of spirit at the moment.
I do not identify with one particular religion or spiritual group and I don’t yet have words to express this fully, just a feeling of depth and connectedness.
Which is ok, yet I’m cautious to even mention my experiences because I’m afraid due to the examples in history that someone may feel threatened it means I’m negating their own religious beliefs. Growing up in the South, I have been called a “satan worshipper” before which is so far from the truth!
I choose to share this with you right now in particular because I’ve been hearing from a lot of people there’s something unexplainable they are feeling. It’s causing a lot of anxiety and confusion, myself included, and my hope is by sharing it, you will know you are not alone. Astrologically / energetically there’s a LOT happening right now.
It’s been incredibly valuable for me to talk about this with a few close friends because we’re all feeling funky right now. UP and down. Flipped sideways and inside out.
Because I am no expert on this, I’ll defer to those more studied on all things astrological:
“March 20 could be the most intense day this year.”
“This is an awesome opportunity to merge with your Soul Self. Be who you really are. Be your authentic Self.”
– from Kelly Rosano via MysticMamma.com
Our brains are wired to categorize and filter information. Paired with the media and societal standards, we are educated to select an “identity”.
To be a lawyer or an artist. To be Buddhist or Catholic. To be ugly or beautiful.
Even if you’ve been intentional about inner self discovery, it can be incredibly tedious to untangle all of the strands in the knotted mess of “who am I”.
And, downright impossible for anyone to share ALL of themselves at any given moment. As long as we are breathing, then we are always still in motion and in a process of discovery.
So, let’s take the pressure off.
There is no right or wrong.
There is no destination.
There is only a path.
And, it’s most likely not a straight one, but a twisty, turny, up hill, down hill path!
There is love.
There is respect.
There is integrity.
And, in all of that we can commit to a life in multi-faceted, hi-definition.
Living Quirky, as a way of being, is about the freedom to be fully who you are right now. And, whenever tomorrow comes, to be fully who you are in that moment. Even if that looks a bit different from yesterday, that’s totally ok, because, well, it is different!
I am not the same as I was yesterday, and I will not be the same tomorrow.